none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
