I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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