filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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