chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
foreskin is a definite game changer
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
