My friends, they love my intelligence
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I hate all girls vehemently.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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