More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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