meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I have post one night stand depression
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