Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize