I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize