just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
