He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize