so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize