just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
