The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
