there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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