Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
