she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
