i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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