Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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