You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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