i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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