This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
