i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
