He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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