I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
