I am puke
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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