I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
