Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
