The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
