I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
