Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
This baby is an asshole
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
