i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
