Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
