i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
