I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
