Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
