You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
