One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
