You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
