Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
