he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
