So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
