So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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