i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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