No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
