is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize