How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Boobs speak an international language.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
