and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
