Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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