we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
