I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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