Just fell off a train. Bad.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She even gives head with a lisp.
You're like the curious george of whores
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
