I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
