We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
