omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
my sisters under your porch take her home
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
