Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
