I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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