One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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