How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just googled if crying burns calories
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
