Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
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