Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
