Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
