I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
