My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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