WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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