i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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