Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
