I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
