Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
