once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
