There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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