I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
