Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
