Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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