I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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